3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
