I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
