i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
