She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
