Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
