Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
