Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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