It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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