The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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