Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
