I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
