I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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