i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
