Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
