I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
