I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
