I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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