Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
