Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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