Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize