i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
