We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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