Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
