I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
