I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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