you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
