I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
