Cold hands, warm shart.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize