I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the condom got lost in my hair
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
