What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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