those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
