everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
