I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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