we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
His nipple licking is glorious
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