We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
