Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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