Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
