i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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