Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
