So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
