She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
