like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
