she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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