just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
