Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
