Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
