I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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