I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
