are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
