just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
