he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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