So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
