THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
