Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
