Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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