i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i believe in u and ur pee
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
