You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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