I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
