i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
