Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
