Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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