I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
