in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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