i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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