Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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