Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
