you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
