im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
